How to: Protecting your PC from viruses with magic crystals

Good news everyone!

There’s an unusual way of stopping malware that (chances are) you’re not already doing.

I’ll let this book explain:

The power of malachite

Keeping away computer viruses with malachite

Placed on your desk, malachite will soak up some of the electromagnetic pollution emitted by your computer and other appliances. You can make it your own personal guardian against viruses that can attack your computer via the internet and email. Its healing energy can be an added repellent to any new viruses that are attacking software programs and can be used alongside your dedicated anti-virus program. The stone dispels negativity, absorbing any radiation and pollutants that leak into the atmosphere.

Crystal cure

Pick up your stone and hold it firmly in your hand to feel its power and purifying abilities. Ask it to soak up any negativity from your office space and send out strong, positive energetic rays around your computer to keep it virus-free. Circle the stone around the computer twice daily, morning and late afternoon. Cleanse the stone after each use under running water, or see pages 149-153.

A quick search of the internet reveals that some corners of cyberspace have known about the virus-warding powers of malachite for some years, but haven’t thought to share their discovery with the computer security industry.

More malachite

Maybe there’s a conspiracy, and the anti-virus vendors have been deliberately stifling the fact that malachite crystals can ward off the likes of CryptoLocker in fear that their stock prices will fall.

malachiteWell, I’m not scared. Share the news far and wide, they can’t silence the truth any longer.

Unfortunately, according to the book extract, it doesn’t appear that you can throw away your anti-virus, firewalls and intrusion detection systems just yet – but you can apparently use them in co-ordination with some magic crystals to ward off digital diseases.

Maybe if you wash your stone enough it will eventually be powerful enough to make your copy of Norton Anti-Virus redundant.

Who would have believed it?

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While you’re waiting for your malachite crystal to arrive in the post, check out this educational video of a computer being healed through alternative methods:

Fix your PC with a crystal pendulum

Graham Cluley is an award-winning keynote speaker who has given presentations around the world about cybersecurity, hackers, and online privacy. A veteran of the computer security industry since the early 1990s, he wrote the first ever version of Dr Solomon's Anti-Virus Toolkit for Windows, makes regular media appearances, and is the co-host of the popular "Smashing Security" podcast. Follow him on Twitter, Mastodon, Threads, Bluesky, or drop him an email.

16 comments on “How to: Protecting your PC from viruses with magic crystals”

  1. Friðrik Skúlason

    Oh, no…we are out of business!

  2. Coyote

    "Maybe if you wash your stone enough it will eventually be powerful enough to make your copy of Norton Anti-Virus redundant."

    Question: does it detect and prevent Stoned ? That would be quite some feat, wouldn't it ?

    1. Graham CluleyGraham Cluley · in reply to Coyote

      Ho ho. And would it have stopped the RockYou password breach?

      1. Coyote · in reply to Graham Cluley

        I hadn't heard of RockYou before this, I admit. Perhaps I live in the stone age or dwell below Stonehenge. Others (as I probably would) might suggest I'm stoned – and I suppose they have what they believe to be hard evidence – but that will never happen. On the other hand, unless the author(s) of the book have a fantastic imagination (something I am all for) I think the problem has been unearthed.

        Therefore I think we should just be thankful we have antivirus/etc. because as much as I'd like to believe in the fantasy here, sadly that's all it is.

  3. Gary Williams

    But you haven't answered the important question, does malachite bug you to renew it every year?! :)

    1. Irene · in reply to Gary Williams

      I'll answer it for him as I don't believe he knows. Malachite just needs to be run under moderately cold running water to cleanse any bad energy it picked up. You do not have to buy a new stone. Hope that's helpful. Then you need to let it sit in the sun for a day to energize it.

  4. drsolly

    This isn't entirely new. I remember, some 25 years ago, someone offering a crystal pyramid as an antivirus.

    1. Graham CluleyGraham Cluley · in reply to drsolly

      I think I may remember that. Was it Norman H?

  5. Bill Blagger

    Is there a free version?

  6. Kevsy

    Don't mock 'till you've tried it… They said the same thing about Dilithium Crystals (Star Trek).

  7. Mary R.

    That's not so new. My aunt uses a berg crystal to protect her husbands PC from porn websites and it works for over 15 years now! :-)

  8. drsolly

    I don't remember who it was that was offering the crystal pyramid, but I can attest that it worked just fine for me; the computer that I protected with it, didn't get a virus.

    I was also running Dr Solomon's Antivirus, but I've had a divine revelation that it was the pyramid that did the business.

  9. david L

    I think there will be a patent war unleashed by the
    "Pet Rock Foundation" patent trolls! There will be hard feelings on both sides of this issue. And to make matters worse,the Rolling Stones have taken up the cause and filed amicus briefs on behalf of Pet Rock , so now HardRock Cafe has threatened to join the fray too! Sounds like they are all "dumber than a box of rocks" )-;)

  10. Irene

    I use crystals all the time for healing and protection as well as many other things. When I first started to read this article I was amazed as I have malachite sitting on my desk and wasn't aware of the qualities you say it has. We'll ignore the fact that in spite of my desk ornament I cleared 21 malware off my computer just on Friday. I also dowse, I have never seen such a blatant manipulation of a pendulum as I saw on your video. After you said it was spinning you very noticeably made it move with your hand. It's people like you that make it hard for people like me to help other people with dowsing. Though not once have I had to manipulate my pendulum as you did. I'm off the mind that this is a rather late April fools joke. Thanks for the laugh!

  11. Wooow–87Zh1tAjYY&hl=en&sa=X&ei=iKtlVabbBouA8gWc8IKoAg&ved=0CCQQ6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q=%2Bcrystal%2Bbusiness%2Bsuccess%2Bmalachite%2Bvirus%2B149&f=false

  12. Rock

    Well, that is all very interesting, but if you really want to protect your computer you need to use the crystal fluorite with it. It is another magical stone that is said to repel viruses. I wish I new of this years ago, so I wouldn't have to spend money on antivirus protects every year.
    This is just too funny. I know people really believe in crystal energy, and that is fine with me, to each there own, but this really does take the cake.

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